Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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