Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
