i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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