Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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