Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
