I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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