Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize