I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
