I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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