hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
