??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
