every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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