There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
