Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
