ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
