i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
