He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
