We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
