She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
