Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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