I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
