The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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