I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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