Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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