You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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