he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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