I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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