when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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