Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
