Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
