Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
