So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize