worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
