I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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