Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
