Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
