Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
