this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
