i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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