my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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