i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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