I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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