You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
