worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
