Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
