God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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