Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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