Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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