He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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