i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
