ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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