Soap is not a condiment
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Randomize
