??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
