I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
