You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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