I will die if light touches me.
I have demons in me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
