Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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