1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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