Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
