So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize