tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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