Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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