I haven't been this sober since birth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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