we have pet lesbian snakes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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